Making a Daydream a Reality

OK here it goes, I'm putting it out in cyberspace. I'm ready to make my daydream a reality. This is something I have thought about for a long time, but never thought I could do it. I don't know why I thought I couldn't, just depended on what my excuse was for that day. Some days it was, "I don't have the time to put in" other days was "I could never eat properly to do it" or "I'm too old", guess I could go on forever with lists of excuses. In reality that is all they are, excuses, and not even really valid excuses at that.

I actually told a person who I respect greatly today what my vision or should I say mission is. I still have a long way to go before I feel completely comfortable telling people what I'm going to accomplish. I guess it sounds kind of vain to me.

So my new focus on my blog is about this venture I'm about to take on. I'll bore cyberspace with my eating challenges, my training challenges as well as my successes.

I hope you guys will follow along with me as I train myself for my first Figure Contest!

Jake's First Day of PreSchool

Well, kind of. He lasted all of 45 minutes. This is from a child who since the age of 6 weeks has been in the gym nursery for at least 1 hour 5 to 6 days a week.

Separation anxiety, you ask. No, not at all. He was mad because I threw away his scrambled eggs from McDonald's.

See I had left the house early because of traffic and didn't want him to be late for his first day of school. I figured since we had about 20 minutes we could have a little breakfast at McDonald's by the school. I should of known when I pulled in the parking lot it was a mistake. From the back seat I hear...."no Donald's, Jakey school". I say "ok, we will just go to the school" and pull away. Then I hear from the back set "ok, mum mum donald's". After a heavy duty eye roll on my part I pull the car back into the parking spot. Go inside and order a side of eggs and a small drink. Go to sit down, it's a no go with a loud scream from Jake. I quickly pack everything up and we head to the car. All the time I'm wondering "just who is in charge here". Obvious answer, the one with the louder scream, Jake.

We get to the school and find a great spot to picnic with our eggs.


We talk about school and his teachers and friends and all about the fun things he is going to do. As soon as we got to talk about play ground time he was ready to pack up his eggs and go to school.

We make a pit stop by the bathroom to wash our hands and go potty. Potty was a big no go because the water was blue. Instead I just change his diaper. After washing hands I explain to Jake it is time to throw away our eggs. That was greeted with a very loud "NO, THROW JAKEY'S EGGYS AWAY". I explained with pained patience that he could not bring food into the classroom and that they would have a great snack. After some prodding the eggs went into the trash.

We get to the class and after some confusion on my part about what goes where, trying to be the good parent and not linger. I snap a quick picture.
I say my good byes and head to the door. After about all of 2 seconds the screaming starts. First it's for me, then it turns to "I want my eggs". I wait about 10 minutes with other anxious parents, making small talk about separation anxiety, other children, etc. After about 15 minutes the other parents begin to leave with pity in their eyes for me.

After deciding that making a quick exit was not the best plan, I went to get the director, figuring the teachers needed a little help at this point. She went in, came out, gave me "a look", and went back in. Gheesh, I felt all of 2 feet tall at this point. When she came back out again she said "let's have a seat and talk about your little guy". Oh, boy. One little boy had locked himself in the bathroom because Jake was crying so hard he was scaring him and he had some other children pretty upset too. We decided it was best for Jake to leave for the day.

The director goes back in and brings Jake out to me. Not a tear in that child's eye. He just didn't want to be there and was mad because I threw away his eggs. As we walked out the door his class was nice and quiet singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider", Jake gave me a big hug and said "thank you mum mum, Jakey's school's all done, we go Y now?". Gotta love that kid.

Champions keep playing until they get it right.

Champions keep playing until they get it right.
-- Billie Jean King

The quote is simple, just keep trying. One of my favorite instructors at the Y, Michele, has a saying "the success is in the attempt". I firmly believe that with repeated attempts, you will get it right. If the attempt is never made, you never have the opportunity to get it right, so keep on playing! How many times do we tell ourselves that we "can't". If you don't try you will never know, just keep playing until you can.

I'm trying very hard to erase the word "can't" from my vocabulary and replacing it with "I can try". While I may never get it right, I will give my 100% trying.

Adversity cause some men to break; others to break records.
-- William A. Ward


When I saw this quote, I thought I really have no adversities. I have a healthy body, legs and arms that work, eyes that see and ears that hear.

Then I thought adversity does not have to be a physical challenge. It can be an emotional challenge, an eating challenge, a social challenge and the list really goes on. An adversity, to me, is anything that stands in the way of accomplishing a goal.

For me, my first adversity was not taking the time to take care of myself. It was not until I was 198 pounds that I decided enough was enough and I needed to do something for me. I put my son in a stroller and took the time to take a health walk...not a stroll, but a fast paced walk that was for no one else but me and my health. Eventually, the walk turned into a slow jog that actually required me getting a jogging stroller.

From that adversity, I faced a mental one, embarrassment. Yes, embarrassment of joining a gym. I felt like the fat chick surrounded by skinny, sexy girls and muscular men. I knew I needed something more than jogging through the neighborhood and the gym was my next step. I faced my fears and joined...never looking back, never regretting. Showing up each and every day. I found that I have a very strong body that loves to build muscle and all of a sudden I found myself as a lean, sexy girl at the gym who always tried to encourage "the new girl".

Now I was on to another adversity. One I never expected....friends. I was losing weight, changing the way I was eating and they were not. I was faced with comments such as, "you never take the time for us any more", "go on, it's just one brownie", "how could you leave your children in the playroom". I was not getting support from them. Slowly, some came around and even joined the gym with me, while some didn't. I lost some friendships, but I gained a lot of friendships too....most importantly, I gained a friendship with myself, I was beginning to like who I was and who I was becoming.

Still faced with another adversity that I still battle....food. Bad diets, yo-yo dieting, not eating, eating too much, not knowing what is good for me and what is bad for me. I still find food so confusing, but I'm getting better. Once again, with some modifications, the SparkDiet has been such a blessing to me and I feel like soon food will be an adversity I can put behind me. I will not let food break me.

While I may not be breaking any records most would recognize, I am breaking personal records each and everyday. Even if it is just shaving a second off my running time...who would of thought 8 years ago I would be lean and running strong today!

Regrets

I was asked today if I had any regrets about my life. My first reaction and response was "no". I said no because with each and every mistake I made it formed me into the person I am today. While some of the things I did may have be hurtful to me or others, I do not regret them. I may have asked for forgiveness, but I don't have regret because I would like to believe I learned from each and every one of those mistakes. I honestly would not change a single thing about my life, not one struggle or one joy!

Now that I have thought a little bit more about the question, while all the above still holds true, I do have some regrets. I regret not taking better care of myself when I was younger. I wish I had eaten better, slept more, exercised more and stayed out of the sun, or at least wore proper sunscreen. I say this because when I look in the mirror I see the direct results of the improper care of my body. I see sun damage on my face and body and scars from "pre-cancerous" moles being removed. I see loose skin on my body from being overweight for a period of time and neglecting to exercise and eat right. While I have undone some of the damage, I do have reminders that can't be erased (wrinkles, sun spots, loose skin, etc.). All I can do is share my knowledge with others, especially my children, and pray they listen, especially about proper sun exposure.

To Keep the Body in Good Health is a Duty....

"To keep the body in good health is a duty....otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear"

-Buddha

For the past 5 years keeping my body in good health has been a pleasure. Yes, I enjoy sweating and pushing my body until is screams for mercy. I enjoy the tightness when I wake up the next morning after a especially hard workout. I enjoy leaving a trail of sweat on the gym floor or the pavement as I run. I enjoy being a sweaty mess most of the day. I enjoy eating healthy, although I struggle with this on a daily, if not hourly basis. I still struggle with turning to God for comfort or praise for a good job done, not food.

I never thought of keeping my body in good health as a duty. But, it really is a duty. God gave us these wonderful working bodies. Do we abuse this wonderful house/body that God gave us by not building it strong and healthy inside and out? Do we let this house sit on a shaky foundation of fat or do we build that foundation with strong muscles and hearts? Do we fill the house with junk food made by man or do we fill it with the goodness that God has grown for us?

If my house/body is clean and strong, I do find that my mind works better and I think clearer. I am a happier person, knowing that I am building a strong and sound body/house for God to do His work through. I find after a good workout, I have the energy to keep me going through the day. If I eat clean through the day, I don't feel tired and sluggish, I feel energized to do God's work and understand His word as I read His book.

It's Not The Hill That's Difficult

As I was running on Thursday night I approached "the dreaded hill". Now, I live in Florida so it's really not much of a hill at all, but it is still an incline that I must get up. As I got closer, it hit me. It's not that the hill is difficult, it's just that the flat road is easy. I realized that after I got up that hill and the road leveled off, I not only appreciated the flat road all the more, but I found it easier.

Just changing my way of thinking about it, made a difference in how I approached "the hill" on the return. I actually looked forward to the hill. Knowing my quads, hamstrings and glutes would burn on the way up, I also knew that the burn would stop once the road leveled off and my legs would feel stronger and my run would be easier.

I'm now trying to apply this thinking to the other areas of my life. It's not the hill that's difficult, the flat road is just easy.